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Hey Catholics!  Thanks For The Diarrhea!

3/25/2013

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The Bitter Truth is I'm Catholic.  Not super crazy, go to church ever day Catholic, but Catholic none the less.  I was born and raised into the faith.  Although I consider myself a liberal Catholic, which means I pick and choose what aspects of the religion I believe.  (Gay marriage is okay by me.) The Catholics even have a cute name for it--"Cafeteria Catholic."  My wife and I have even chosen to not only raise our kids in the faith, but send them to a Catholic school.

The Bitter Truth is that public schools in Los Angeles are terrible and our Catholic School is extremely high rated in quality of education.  Aka best school possible.  Having your kids in a Catholic School means you are now part of the church community.  Being part of that means you have to attend events linked to the church including the dreaded "Spaghetti Dinner."  Not that the event isn't pleasant enough.  It's a nice chance to catch up with the other parents you like while surface greeting the ones you don't.  There is always a raffle where we seem to win a fabulous prize or two (this year Nigel scored a cool RC truck) and the food is pretty good.  So the problem is not the event itself. 

It's the next day when I'm running back and forth to the bathroom with explosive diarrhea.  Thanks Catholics!  Unlike restaurants, which have to adhere to strict rules about food preparation and distributing. The food at the spaghetti dinner is made, cooked and served by volunteers.  Not chefs. There is no health inspector showing up to make sure the surface the meatball were made us was sterilized or if things were cooked at the proper temperature.  It's a crap shoot.  Literally.  You never know how it's all gonna work out.
 
Now my wife says I am to blame.  I have several food restrictions including seafood allergies and being "Lactose Intolerant" (Aka milk products make me poop--A lot.) And she warned me the delicious meat balls may have milk or cheese in them.  At least she said she warned me but who could hear her over the guy calling out raffle winners and the table full of "Good Time Catholics" (aka drunks who still think they are in college) behind us.  Next time maybe I'll just go for the raffle. 


The Bitter Truth Is This post took almost 3 hours to finish because of the after effects. But blogging is important to me.    And if I've gone to far and been to gross, I'm sorry.  And... I gotta go to the bathroom again and that's The Bitter Truth. 



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    Keith Valcourt

    Being a dad is the greatest job I've ever had.  And it's a huge pain in the ass. 

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