The Bitter Truth is no on wants to go to a kid's birthday party. Except kids. And maybe the parents of the guest of honor. Maybe. Because, honestly, children's birthday celebrations suck.
They are loud, germ filled and highly annoying. They are more work than they are party. And the younger the birthday child, the worse it gets.
The food is usually disgusting, either greasy cheap pizza or deep fried processed chicken meat shaped like dinosaurs, washed down with the most unnatural flavors of soda you can imagine. "Cactus Cooler" Huh? Then there is the centerpiece of the party, the dreaded "Bouncy House." AKA a giant inflated petri dish with lawsuit written all over it. Tossed in the lawn and hastily assembled by a couple guys with the most broken down pickup truck you've ever see. I have to admit we have had the bouncy house at our home on several occasions. And I hate it! Not only do I spend the entire first hour after it arrives crawling around inside with antiseptic wipes cleaning out the "Fun" from dozens of parties this thing has been at before arriving here my kid's special day.
The rest of the party is spent with me outside the thing policing the action that goes on within. Praying to god that no one gets hurt and that their parents don't sue me and take away my home and lawn where they will host their kid's parties for years to come while my family and I live in a cardboard box behind a warehouse in Van Nuys that stores deflated bouncy houses. Party? Good times.
We recently attended my one year old nephew's celebration. And as much as I like the little guy (you were expecting love? Too soon) it was not fun. The guest of honor slept through lunch, then started crying the minute he saw all the people there to mark his special day. attending a party for a one year old is as painful as visiting an senior citizen riddle with Alzheimers in a nursing home. The incoherent babble and confused stares of both main characters make the whole experience uncomfortable for everyone. And in the end both the one year old and the senior end up crapping their pants. Kid's Parties suck and that's The Bitter Truth.
They are loud, germ filled and highly annoying. They are more work than they are party. And the younger the birthday child, the worse it gets.
The food is usually disgusting, either greasy cheap pizza or deep fried processed chicken meat shaped like dinosaurs, washed down with the most unnatural flavors of soda you can imagine. "Cactus Cooler" Huh? Then there is the centerpiece of the party, the dreaded "Bouncy House." AKA a giant inflated petri dish with lawsuit written all over it. Tossed in the lawn and hastily assembled by a couple guys with the most broken down pickup truck you've ever see. I have to admit we have had the bouncy house at our home on several occasions. And I hate it! Not only do I spend the entire first hour after it arrives crawling around inside with antiseptic wipes cleaning out the "Fun" from dozens of parties this thing has been at before arriving here my kid's special day.
The rest of the party is spent with me outside the thing policing the action that goes on within. Praying to god that no one gets hurt and that their parents don't sue me and take away my home and lawn where they will host their kid's parties for years to come while my family and I live in a cardboard box behind a warehouse in Van Nuys that stores deflated bouncy houses. Party? Good times.
We recently attended my one year old nephew's celebration. And as much as I like the little guy (you were expecting love? Too soon) it was not fun. The guest of honor slept through lunch, then started crying the minute he saw all the people there to mark his special day. attending a party for a one year old is as painful as visiting an senior citizen riddle with Alzheimers in a nursing home. The incoherent babble and confused stares of both main characters make the whole experience uncomfortable for everyone. And in the end both the one year old and the senior end up crapping their pants. Kid's Parties suck and that's The Bitter Truth.
RSS Feed